


Any Road Will Take You There

by victoriagreen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Dean's POV, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Festivals, M/M, Road Trips, first person POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5083798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriagreen/pseuds/victoriagreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What begins as a solo roadtrip to pick something up that he never wanted in a million years after his world collapses, Dean finds himself caught up in a whirlwind of emotion he never thought he'd feel again. When you have your life ripped out from under you, who's to say you can't start again? But where do you even begin?</p><p>This is a work in progress, and is not actually written as fan-fiction. I would love some input on the story though, so I'm changing character names and a few details to keep my fellow Destiel shippers interested enough to give me feedback :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is all from Dean's POV. Castiel will eventually appear, but remember, this wasn't always fan-fiction. Ride the wave, kids.

_Glass clinked as everyone in the room laughed. I turned back to the blue-linen clad table that served as the centerpiece of the room._

_“Really though, I’ve never seen soul mates in real life. You guys have the spark, and no one could deny it. You are so in love, and I am so glad that you found each other. Salud!”I raised my glass of champagne their direction._

_My brother and his new wife raised their glasses too, as she wiped her eyes. We were all a little drunk, and I may have gone a tad overboard, but god, they’re so perfect it hurts. So sue me for being emotional._

_The rest of the room raised glasses and knocked them together, calling out “Salud!” in response. I made my way to the table Jess and Sam were seated behind and hugged them both, returning to my seat next to him, and my eyes lingered on two separate photographs sitting on their table. In the one nearest her, Sam held his Australian shepherd, Mayo, not paying attention to the camera, or Jess, who had most likely taken the photo, and his ice blue eyes shined in laughter as the dog attempted to lick a stripe up his cheek._

_In the other, Jess had her arms outstretched to the left side of the frame, her head thrown back, the messy brown bun on her head slipping from its tie, eyes closed. Her mouth was open in an elaborate smile. It was the day I’d taken her and Sam to the park for an art festival, and Sam had bought an enormous, extremely detailed, extremely goofy, gold and green mask and I remembered that at that moment he had been dancing on the grass with a little girl, and Jess was reaching out for his arms as the little girl raced back to her mother. After I’d taken the photograph, Sam had taken Jess in his arms, dropped the mask, and swung her into the air, and people seated on the grass around us had cheered as he dipped her and kissed her sweetly. It had been a really happy fucking day._

_~~~_

Lightning lit up the dashboard as I cruised down the interstate, lighting up those two square pieces of paper stuck to the clear plastic that shielded the speedometer, and a third that was currently backwards, showing only white paper.

 

A sign for Ellensburg, Washington passed on my right and another crack of thunder shook the car. The rain on the windshield blocked almost everything from view, but I wasn’t afraid. I was just angry. I was hurt. I was confused. _Who the fuck decided this was my life?_

 

~~~

 

A bell rang as I opened the door to the diner, and a waitress from behind the bar told me to sit wherever I wanted, and then called me “darling” for good measure. God, I hate diners. Maybe I’m just tired as shit. No, scratch that, I am definitely just tired as shit.

 

I sat at the bar next to an outdated cash register and a glass cake stand with slices of what looked like pecan pie inside. The man on the TV overhead warned of an impending “super-storm” in the area. Yeah, I fucking know, dude.

 

The waitress, who had on one of those stupid uniforms that a 15 year old would wear for Halloween, brought over a mug and a fork, and slapped a napkin down too. I told her I only wanted coffee, black, and she said to let her know if I needed anything. Yep, got it, girlfriend.

 

She filled the mug and went to the kitchen, where I could still see her moving through the little cutout window, where I presume they shove the food through. There wasn’t anybody else in the diner, that I could see, besides us and the cook. I looked at the neon-lit clock by the coffee maker. The little hand slipped to the four, almost like it knew I was watching.

 

I sipped my coffee, burning the crap out of my tongue, and finished my planning in my head. I’d left New Orleans after throwing everything I’d need into my old Bronco. That had been a Thursday. I drove through a lot of shitty states, and I’d bought some Vyvanse before leaving Louisiana, so I hadn’t exactly stopped. My heart had stopped racing after the first 30 hours, but I kept taking the little blue pills to give me something to hang on to.

 

I picked at the maroon nail polish I’d found in the center console, definitely Jess', that I'd applied in Oklahoma when I got bored (because fuck Texas, no way was I going to drive through that hell for longer than a few hours.)

 

I’d stayed in Colorado for a couple of days, and ended up buying a pound of weed for the trip. I had recently come in to plenty of money to ruin the rest of my life, so I wasn’t exactly worried about that. A girl wearing moccasins and a dress made of scarves had sold it to me. It came wrapped in leather, which didn’t make the smell any less profound.

 

People are fucking weird.

 

So, today was a Tuesday. I’d be in Everett in the morning. I had no idea what I would do after this godforsaken trip. I don’t even like animals. This one just didn’t have anywhere else to go.

 

~~~

 

_I pulled the handle on the Bronco and swung the door open, stepping out and stretching. A flock of geese was squawking and complaining about something I couldn’t see, near the river. The breeze kept the air from being absolutely stifling, which is exactly what New Orleans is in August._

_I waded through a ton of people, all basking in the sun on the levee, looking for the familiar mop of curly brown hair, the tiny dancing frame next to the much larger that was my brother. I noticed the goofball that was my little brother lying on the ground on a blue quilt, Jess’ hair glinting in the sun beside her. Her legs were crooked, one crossed over the other, her blue dress dangling to pool around her. Sam was sitting, hunched over, neither of them paying any attention to the world around them._

_I called out her name, and Jess turned, her grin growing, and she waved with one arm, the other shielding her face from the sun._

_“Yo!”She called out, and Sam turned as well._

_“What the fuck is that?” I asked as I flopped onto the quilt behind them, a bundle of fluffy shit coming to land in my lap._

_Tiny, sparkling eyes peered through the disastrous fur, white, mottled with blue and brown, and I could tell that the eyes weren’t the same color either. One was almost black, the other could have matched Sam’s._

_Jess clapped and an excited shriek escaped her. Apparently the thing had been Sam’s anniversary present. He’d proposed for their fourth year together, so I guess the second best present, in Jess’ mind, was a fucking dog._

_It was honestly a cute little shit, and its whole body shook when it tried to wag its tail. It licked at my face, my hands, jumped to Jess, to Sam, back to me; it never calmed down._

_As the dog had gotten older, I’d babysat before the big move, and it was smarter than any person I’d ever met. It fucking got it. Tricks, names, places; it knew them all. I’d come to accept that this was the only child they would have for a while. Sam was the stern one, and the pup lingered on his every action, every word. Sam was master. Jess, Jess was mother. It went to her for sympathy, and it would never sleep on Sam’s side of the bed, only Jess'. I’d learned that when I stayed at their place when they left town once, and tried to sleep on his side. I’d woken up to the, now much larger, dog trying to force me off of the bed, sprawled across her side, with his feet kicking at my legs. His face had been buried in her pillow, like he was trying to smell her during her absence. Fuckin’ sap._

_~~~_

At half past, I left a couple bucks on the counter top, thanked the waitress, and went to the Bronco, pulling my hood up against the rain. I figured I’d try I'd clean the car out to at least not look completely homeless before I got to Everett.

 

The back door swung open to the left, and the window swung up. I’d had a mattress made for the back of the Bronc, and figured if I didn’t know where I was going, or where I’d end up, being comfortable along the way was the least I could do for myself. There were at least 6 pillows, and the backseat had been laid down to accommodate all the shit. I hadn’t even had a chance to break the bed in yet. I was a tad delirious.

 

Honestly, Sam’s neighbor wasn’t expecting me until Thursday morning, so I might as well test it out, but not in the diner parking lot. I threw away a Wal-Mart bag of food trash in the can by the door and rearranged the cooler behind the passenger seat, so I could reach it more easily.

 

There is a lot to be said for drinking a beer on a curvy mountain road. It’s super fucking therapeutic.

 

I went ahead and reloaded my bowl, fingers coming away sticky, in case I’d want to smoke before I got to the campground. I’d grabbed a few brochures from the diner, and there was a site not too far, if I took highway 97 instead of interstate 90. Thank god I had gotten this mattress made, because no fucking way was I sleeping in a tent in this weather.

 

All I had was the brochures and the biggest atlas the grocery store in Shreveport had, since I didn’t have a clue where I was headed. I also had three bags of lentil crisps, a couple of cases of some expensive craft beer, some beef jerky, a bong, a one-hitter, a grinder, half a carton of Marlboro cigarettes, a few t-shirts, another pair of jeans, a couple pairs of clean boxers, the six pillows in the back, and what I had on.

 

I also had a shoebox full of CD’s and tapes. I’m glad I had thought to burn CD’s for the trip, and the Tallest Man on Earth was currently crooning from the pretty rad stereo system I’d put in, but I was used to having every artist and song at my fingertips. Now I had a small selection.

 

I’d thrown my phone out the window in Oklahoma.

 

I’d thrown my phone out the window in Oklahoma, because my best friend had called. I didn’t answer, so she had texted me. She seemed to know I hadn’t read it, so she texted me again. The first one seemed concerned. The second seemed downright angry.

 

When I’d left New Orleans, my heart was broken. I sobbed until Louisiana ended. I screamed and punched the steering wheel (my knuckles look like a fucking disaster), and I’d thought I would never get over the despair, the pain that threatened to tear my body apart at the slightest movement. I smoked a lot of cigarettes that first day, and everyday since.

 

I hadn’t told Misa I was leaving. I’d just gotten up at noon, got my new mattress for the car, and left. She told me she could help. She said that she was the last person I had, so I needed her. She knew that stating the obvious was the only way to get my attention. But she would never get it.

 

This grief was mine, and I wanted to feel it alone.

 

~~~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, a little bit of backstory to get the ball rolling. Enjoy :)

After an hour or so, I finally rolled up to the campground. The sun was starting to peak over the mountains, and I figured the office had to be open.

I talked to the little old man who, along with his wife and the help of the local Park Rangers, took care of the place and lived onsite. I told him I wanted to stay somewhere for the day and the rest of the night, and he told me to drive down the little gravel one-way until I found a spot I liked.Since I didn’t need water or sewage, and there was a full bathroom near the office if I needed a shower, it didn’t matter which spot I took.

I thanked him, tossed him two twenties, and hopped back in the car. After passing a few spots, there was a little road off the one I was on, so I followed it to another row of spots, all empty. They were facing a river. I fucking love rivers.

I backed into the spot nearest the end, closest to a little waterfall where the river bent back upstream. The rain had let up as the sun rose, and it was pretty fucking chilly. Then again, it was January in Washington, so I’m not sure what I expected.

I slung the back of the Bronc open, and climbed into the bed. Holy fuck; way more comfortable than I expected. I arranged the pillows how I liked them and pulled the little curtains I’d installed around the edge open to let light in. Cracking open a beer, I leaned back, watched the river run slowly downstream, and closed my eyes.

Everett could wait.

~~~

_“Is this some kind of joke?” I shook my head and assured her it wasn't. I almost wish it was at this point._

_“So you think you like men? That’s disgusting. You’re trying too hard to be somebody you’re not. You’ve always dated women.”_

_“No, mom, I do not think that I like men. I do like them. I like women too, it’s called bisexual. I’m telling you this because I met somebody, and I’d really like you to meet them.”_

_My mom laughed in my face, “I will never accept this. You realize that, right?” I had just looked at my hands, the chewed up fingernails. Some had bled when I’d bitten them too hard. “Stop biting your fingernails. You should leave until you can stop lying to everybody. You really are being so dramatic.” “Yes ma’am.”_

~~~

I love my mom. She's really my step-mom, but I lost my mom early, so she's been around forever. She’s a beautiful person, inside and out, generous, and kind. She’s just super fucking closed-minded. I’d come to accept the sad fact, even before I told her, that I wouldn’t ever be able to show my true self to her. She would never really know me.

After that day, when I stopped speaking to her, she realized she wouldn’t have me as a son anymore if she didn’t stop being an asshole. So, she started talking to me again.

I told her I wanted to bring my boyfriend to Sam’s wedding, which was the next month, and she seemed pretty lost for words.

I ended up taking him, and mom ended up loving him. They swapped sweet potato pie recipes.

~~~

I couldn't sleep yet, so I sat for a while, watching the water swirl around the rocks and shrubs near the edge of the river, before I noticed the little black bear. I hadn’t heard it come up, but I heard it now, as it splashed and jumped and growled at, what I was assuming was, its mother, somewhere in the brush across the water.

I also didn’t notice the car pull up three spots down. A tall dude with very unruly brown hair sat on the ground in front of his beat-up old Camaro. Hot fucking car.

He was watching the bear too, and looked up to meet my eyes. Even from this far away, the intense blue of them shocked me. I waved. So did he. He stood and lit a cigarette, rubbing the other hand through his hair, and walked my way. To be friendly, I guess.

He said his name was Shea, and I told him he didn't look like a Shea, which he laughed at. He asked if I happened to smoke weed. I said I did, and I got it out for him. We talked quietly about the bear, and I pulled my Nikon out to snap a few pictures of it. He told me he was from Oregon, and needed to get away for a while. Said he'd lost a friend recently. I told him I knew the feeling.

The bears finally meandered back into the woods, away from our voices. He seemed really comfortable in his own skin, keeping his legs out as he sat on my little mattress, which he complimented to no end.

We smoked a few bowls, and he went back to his car to sleep. I watched from the corner of my eye (I’m not creepy, I swear) as he unpacked his tent, a small grill, and a cooler. I definitely thought about offering to let him stay with me, but I think that's a tad too forward.

I pulled the bong to myself, dumped some of the sticky shit into the bowl, and lit it. I leaned back as I inhaled and held it as long as I could without coughing. I’m so fucking glad the Vyvanse has worn off. I kinda want to read a book, or write, or draw, or something, but all I can do is replay the Tallest Man CD and pull the thick comforter around me.

I figured I’d wake up before dark, so I leave the back door wide open, and fall asleep to the sounds of insects waking up, complaining about the cold, and the knowledge that the whole world is out there, even if I’m too terrified to touch it.

It’s still pretty comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we meet Mayo. Be prepared to have your heart ripped out, and I apologize in advance. We may have the next chapter this week, or maybe next week. We'll see :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little bit of explanation, but it isn't the chapter I had planned on posting. Chapter 4 will be up this week, and then I'll start posting once a week (but the chapters will be much longer). Stay tuned! :)

_I woke up sweating, with Silas wrapped around me. I looked down at his sleeping face, dimly lit by the moonlight shining between the curtains. Blonde curls sat gently on his forehead, and his blonde eyelashes were made much more dramatic by the shadows covering his face._

_I’d brought him to this little family getaway, partially because Mom asked me to, (she loved Silas almost as much as I did by now) but also because he hadn’t had a chance to really connect with Sam since the wedding._

_It was January, and Jess’ birthday was the day before, which was the cause for the little vacation. The four of us and Mayo had piled into the Bronc, with Mom, Dad, and Jess’ parents in Dad’s truck behind us. Mom had found this campsite with cabins on the outskirts of New Orleans, and Jess and Sam had flown back from their new house out in Washington to visit before spending their first summer away._

_I rolled Si off my arm and sat up, desperately needing a cigarette and a glass of water. As I left our bedroom, I noticed the dog laying by the back door, which was odd because he usually slept with Jess and Sam. I rubbed behind his ears as I opened the door to the porch, and he hopped up to go out with me._

_I figured from the lit sky it was probably around 6 a.m. and I might as well go down to the water to watch the sun come up. Mayo sniffed around the bushes and trees, too sleepy to give chase to the waking squirrels around the yard._

_I sat on a big stone near the water, watching as the first rays of pink light reflected off of the extremely still lake. No wind, but the air was chilly, and I pulled the collar of my jacket around my neck._

_I drifted and dozed as the sun rose higher above the horizon, and Mayo came to rest beside me._

_I was startled awake by a loud crack, and Mayo jumped up and was gone, back towards the house. I heard a rushing sound, growing louder, and turned back to look at the house._

_My feet wouldn’t move for a minute, and I knew the glassiness of my eyes was reflecting the unrelenting, pounding, searing inferno that devoured everything I could see, everything I could feel._

_Mayo’s barking roused me from my shock, that day by the water. It did nothing to rouse me from the all consuming guilt that surrounded me every second from that moment._


End file.
